The Other Person

The party was bad, well to me it was, but with the way Amanda was pushing her breasts into Henry’s chest, it might be good for them. I look around trying to find her boyfriend, not that he’d even care who was currently feeling up his girlfriend, the couple have crossed the boundaries of openess, where they’re currently at is some scary white people shit. I thought women are naturally jealous and men naturally possessive? I know my parents were, and my brothers and all the other men I’ve met. Surely enough, her boyfriend was stuck somewhere inside the mouth of a girl I think is called Lisa and the legs of another girl that I don’t recognize. For some reason I continue watching the scene, for experimental purposes only, and not because I’m starting to feel aroused by the way James was pounding his stick into girl I don’t recognize,

“Get it together!” I hear her say as she pulls me inside “what are you doing?” I yell at her as the blood rush disappears “no rather, the question is what are ‘you’ doing? You feeling good huh? Want to go fuck some man whore, huh? Want to go off and ride his–” “what the hell is your problem?” I say, cutting her off “my problem?” I couldn’t see her face, but I could feel every rage line, like it was on my own face, “my problem is you seem to have forgotten who men really are” “oh my God, get over it already, it’s already been 3 years, Ted and his group are in prison, in a different state, in a different lifetime, you need to get over it and stop making everyone around you feel miserable all the fricking time, it gets old, and people are starting to not like you, to not like us, and I want to be liked, I want to be known by any other thing, every other thing except as the girl who got raped” I could feel her rage relax into pain and pitiful disappointment, “fine, if you want to get people to love you so much that you forget everything, then fine, but I’m done with this” “come on, now I didn’t mean to get you upset, I was just saying that um, I mean that you should ju–” “it’s okay, go enjoy your party, go be happy and be free and forget all about the darkness, go strip for James, or Henry or Leri, heck even stinky Stanley, I don’t care anymore, but don’t come running back here when you need saving, don’t come crying to me when the people you’re so trying to please turns out to be shitty bastard who’s only with you out of pity” “That’s not true” ” keep telling yourself that” “they’re my friends” “whatever dude!” “Well, what’s the meaning of that?” “Remember Ada?” “Ada was different” “Yes she was, not only did we grow up together, we did everything together, we even planned on going to university together” “Don’t!” I say as the tears begin to well up “remember that little ‘accident’ in her room?” She was cruel, I’ve always known that she was, but this is just wickedness, she knows I hate talking about Ada “She didn’t tell Peter that one did she?” Not peter, please not peter, i whimper feeling my heart break again “We loved her, we loved them all, but what happened when they found out? They treated us like scum of the earth, like it was our fault, like we followed them willingly, like we enjoyed it” I could feel her tears and her anger and pain all crashing through me like they were my own, and they were my own, and it all came flooding back, everything, the lights, the sound, the smell, the slime, the weight, the dirt, the feel, everything came crashing down on me from her, and I could feel her burden, her pain, her sorrow. She used to be a happy girl, carefree and trusting, before I shoved her deep inside with all my grief and pain, hidden from the world and sometimes me, oh my heart broke for her, she has to live in this shadows, while I’m out there living like she doesn’t exist. I reach out and bring her close, hugging her to myself, sharing in our combined woes and uniting our bodies, souls and spirits again. “They’re gone”, she says shakily, “I know they are, but so are we” She was right, we lost ourselves that day, and no matter how many parties I attend, or boys I pretend to like, I can never get it back.

“I swear she always does this, do you think something’s wrong with her?”, I hear Amanda say. “I’m sure she’s okay” James responds. I feel the chair slump on both sides as two bodies sticky with sweat sandwiches me. I remove myself from her arms and stand looking at the beautiful room she lived in, the walls padded covered from head to toe in pink velvet, there were no doors or windows, but the room didn’t need one, at least not yet, I turn my gaze away from the litter of drawings I made as a child. I turn from the images of Ada and Peter with their smiling faces and peaceful heart, I turn from the faceless girl crouched in the dark corner as if afraid of the light and joy the room held, I turned from everything that was once meaningful to me before it was destroyed not only by my assaulters, but my friends. Without looking back I walk out the door that only I know about, and into a room padded with drunk bodies, from wall to center “is the party that boring?” I hear Amanda say “What?” I say unfolding my hands and turning to her “oh my God were you crying?” “What no!” I say touching my tear stained cheeks “it’s just the smoke I guess” I say avoiding further questions “why do you always sleep like that?” She says leaning further into James “like what?” “I don’t know, it’s either you’re hugging yourself or you’re trying to strangle yourself” “uhmm I wasn’t really sleeping” I felt the hands before I heard the voice and it took everything in me to not throw up “well maybe she’s just looking for someone to hold her like Daddy does” the voice said laughing as it grabbed my thigh, Amanda and James joined in the laughter, and I would have joined in as well if not for the bile that was making its way up my throat “Back off from my friend Psycho! She’s too mysterious for a playboy like you” Amanda says and then goes back to straddling James, I’m somewhere between disgusted and bewildered as I look away from them and to the stranger whose hands is making it’s way up my skirt. I swat his hands off like a fly, and he laughs a full mirthless laugh and looks at me with a ‘you like playing hard to get’ type of eyes. I shift out of the chair and make to stand up, but he pulls me down and turns me sideways towards him. “My name is Johnson, but everyone calls me John, but you can call me daddy if you prefer that instead. What’s your name shortcake?” “Yes Daddy” I say with my most sensual voice, beside me I could hear Amanda snicker, but I wasn’t paying attention to her, I was looking at Johnson’s eyes, and I could see the exact moment he succumbed to my petite charms. Men are tragically one-note, they can act like they’re the alpha, or like some macho god that practically carried nature’s birth, but they’re not, they’re just a ballon full of hormones, undone by the littlest item in the universe, and I was a master of little things. I shake my head disappointed that he didn’t last longer than a few seconds, for someone who spoke a huge deal “well, what do you say we find ourselves a room shortcake?” Struggling to keep the bile in, I smile one-sidedly and place the tip of my forefinger on his lap drawing circles “why?” Feeling one unlocked: surprise. I laugh inwardly at how easy he is to unwind “I mean, no one bothered to find a room” I leaned into him, bring my lips close to his ears “so why should we?” I whisper into his ears, feeling him shiver, feeling two unlocked: excitement, lust, hunger. The smile on his face was so bright it could light up a hall, but all it did was creep me out. “Well it was nice talking to you I guess” I say standing up “Amanda, I’d you see you later” “wait are you leaving?” She asked breathlessly “Yes, I don’t want to spend a full night, listening to you and James” laughing she waved as she turned back to her ‘activity’ ” you can listen to us instead” Johnson says standing up “go find another girl to creep out ‘daddy’ I’m not in the mood” “at least tell me your name” “why? We both know it’s not my name that would remind you of me,” “just tell me” he says seriously “Faith” I say in a soft whisper knowing he wouldn’t hear me. I turn away from him and walk towards the door, pledging once again never to follow Amanda to another party.